Warning: The following post is not suitable for the health conscious, or those with a pre-existing heart condition.
Let’s establish some basic facts here: pork scratchings are not a health food. They are a calorie laden, artery furring, belt loosening, hypertension-inducing snack.
You know that rumour about celery being of negative calorific value? Well, these are the opposite. They are like some weird black hole, somehow managing to pack in more calories than you ever thought possible in something so small.
But holy Moses, are they tasty. They are ‘get down on your knees and pray to the God of Pork’ tasty. They are ‘Leap around the room doing the happy dance’ tasty. They are ‘get me another bowlful of those right now before I throttle you’ tasty. They are…oh, you get the idea.
And we’re going to make some. You and me. And the best part is, it is really, really easy.
Step one, are you ready for this? Step one is to procure yourself some pork skin. Your butcher will happily dish this stuff out to you for nothing. Ask nicely, smile sweetly and flutter your pretty eyes at him.
Even if you are a dude. It works. Honest.
Step two is to cut it into manageable sized pieces. Anything smaller than three inches square is fine, but don’t go too small.
Step three is to lay them on a tray and salt them. Be generous with this. Bear in mind you are making pork scratchings. Alfalfa sprouts, this ain’t. You’re already packing a hefty whack of your daily calorific allowance, a little less salt isn’t suddenly going to turn them into a mung bean and goji berry salad.
Step four is to put the tray in the fridge and, in the words of Al Pacino, ‘fugged-aboutit.’ Fugged-aboutit for about 48-72 hours.
And that's it. This is easy cooking.
OK, if I’ve scared you a little then I’m sorry. Let me try and redeem myself a little. Perhaps this isn’t something for the health freaks amongst you but this isn’t everyday food. This is a rare treat to enjoy with a few bottles of beer.
Plus, most of the fat will render out during the cooking process. PLUS this is natural fat – this isn’t something dreamt up in a lab. It’s better for you than that microwave meal you ate last week/last night/eight seconds ago.
We’ll come back to this, promise.
UPDATE - 20th February. It appears there has been some confusion. This isn't the entire recipe. This, as the title suggests, is only part one. There is more, like the cooking stage, to come. Patience is a virtue.